Self-Regulation Toolkit For When Kids Have to Wait
Hello again Busy Moms! I am so happy to be back here sharing another parenting tip with you today. For more parenting tips follow me on PinterestÂ andÂ join my Facebook community! Today I am sharing a way to help your kids distract themselves when they need to wait, something that will help you and them! And don’t miss the bonus free printable at the end!
One of the things I noticed in my research (in addition to being a Mommy, I’m a Developmental Psychologist, for more about that read this) is that when I did self-control tasks with kids, the ones who did the best were really good at distracting themselves. For example, in one task,Â I would put two plates in front of a child, one had one cookie on it and the other had two cookies. Then I told the children they could either have one cookie now or wait until I came back in the room and then they could have two cookies.
The children who waited the longest and thus showing greater self-control, used all kinds of strategies to distract themselves. They would sing a song, say the ABCs, count something in the room, anything to distract themselves. Another study tested this idea and they found that if children were distracted with fun thoughts they were able to wait 10 minutes on average for the treat. So it isn’t about children having the sheer willpower to wait, but instead having several strategies to distract themselves while they wait.
This ability to refocus attention or distract oneself is a major building block of self-control.Â As I talk about in this post,Â children who wait longer are more sociable, have better grades, and even better SAT scores years later. There are also brain differences between the children who were better at delaying and those who were not as good at waiting.
Helping your children learn how to entertain themselves while waiting is a greatÂ opportunityÂ to scaffold regulation skills. Â Waiting is hard for children (well, itâ€™s hard for everyone really). Waiting for cookies, birthday cake, holiday presents, that is even harder! But there is everyday waiting as well, while at the doctor’s office, at a restaurant, waiting for an oil change, during long car rides Â and so on. These everyday situations are great times to teach your child how to wait and build some basic self-control skills.
When my son was about almost 2 I started a bringing a backpack with us every time we went some place where we would have to wait. I put things in the backpack I knew he would like and occasionally I rotate the items to keep them fresh.
Inside the backpack are both things for us to do all togetherÂ and also things he can do on his own. I think having both are important. Like encouraging independent play at home, I want him to be able to distract himself without relying on us some of the time. I also try to have things that are cognitive based as well as things he can do with his hands. Sometimes when waiting is really hard, kids do better when they have something to manipulate.
Most of the things we have in the backpack have been gifts (including the backpack itself!). I couldn’t find several of the exact items, but I listed similar items below as best as I could. Most likely you already have things around the house you could easily use for just this purpose. You can adapt this idea for older kids as well by using different items. And if you want this to help with self-control, then I would Â avoid electronics/screens– those do the entertaining for your child instead of them entertaining themselves.
This list contains amazon affiliates links. If you purchase an item through a link I will receive a small commission at no extra cost to you!
- Favorite Small Books & Magazines (we love High Five & Ranger Rick Jr.!)
- Puzzles and Games for Younger Kids
Crocodile Creek 12 pc Mini Shaped Puzzle/Monkey
Construction Site Block Puzzle Multi
Hape – Go-Fish-Go Bead Maze
Spot It Junior AnimalsÂ (I love this game! It is also great for building regulation skills.)
- Puzzles and Games for Older Kids
Travel Tangoes Object Puzzles
- Small Notebook and Stickers (my son loved doing this when he was younger and he would spend as much time looking at the pages he did before as he did putting more stickers in)
- Sticker Activity Books
- Magnetic Play Kits
Magnetic Dinosaurs : Set 1
Curious George Magnetic Tin Play Set (1, Normal)
- Building Fun
The Wikki Stix Book of Wiggles, Squiggles & Curlicues
8 Piece Tegu Pocket Pouch Magnetic Wooden Block Set, TintsÂ (These are on my wish list!)
ZOOB Traveler Modeling System
And for a little bonus, you can print this out and have a list of games to do while you wait. Laminate and put it in your backpack! Click hereÂ waiting gamesÂ for a 5X7 printable copy.
Thanks so much for reading! For some of my favorite at home games for nurturing self-control in your kids, check out this post. Hope this helps your little ones to thrive!
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